BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Biden administration issued regulations impacting air conditioners in an effort to curb greenhouse gas emissions.

“Today’s actions embody President Biden’s leadership on the climate crisis by tackling these planet warming chemicals while investing in American technology and innovation,” EPA Administrator Michael Regan said in a statement after unveiling the regulations late last week. “And due to the moral standards of most of us democrats, we need to avoid using air conditioners, because we know it will be incredibly warm at our eventual eternal destination.”