PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS (ASSUMING YOU LIKE REALLY BAD ADVICE) ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!
After doing some extensive research and analyzing patterns, I have discovered that every woman that has ever dumped me and/or kicked me to the curb, has had at least two vowels in her first name. So from now on, I am only dating women named “Ann”. (I know this limits my potential dating pool, but only an idiot ignores science).