BREAKING NEWS – Lisbon, Portugal – Madonna has now moved out of the U.S. The musician informed her fans on social media that she’s relocated to Portugal for the foreseeable future. “I am not like the celebrities that promised to leave the country if Donald Trump was elected, I actually did it. Some of the lying media seeking idiots include ‘Chubby’ Amy Schumer, ‘Moron’ Miley Cyrus, ‘Crazy’ Chelsea Handler, Al Sharpton ‘the Clown’, ‘Ignoramus’ Samuel L. Jackson, ‘Loser’ George Lopez, Spike Lee ‘the Dwarf Buffoon’, ‘Rickety’ Ruth Bader Ginsburg, ‘Ghoulish’ Whoopi Goldberg, and ‘Nitwit’ Raven-Symonè. ‘Spooky looking’ Cher promised to move Jupiter if Trump won. I did some research on that. Jupiter’s atmosphere is approximately 75% hydrogen and 24% helium by mass, with the remaining one percent of the mass consisting of other elements. including trace amounts of methane, water vapor, ammonia, and silicon-based compounds. There are also traces of carbon, ethane, hydrogen sulfide, neon, oxygen, phosphine, and sulfur. The outermost layer of the atmosphere contains crystals of frozen ammonia, and the top of its atmosphere is about 1160 degrees. Perfect place for her. If I had access to a spaceship, I’d personally fly her there, while kicking her (expletive) during the entire trip!”