BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Members of Hillary Clinton’s inner circle agreed to leverage support for Israel with donors but to remain silent on the subject around Democratic activists, according to hacked emails published by WikiLeaks. In one of Hillary’s emails, she stated, “It will be a very bad idea to upset any Jewish people. We need them because they are genetically superior to all other races in regards to managing money. That is not just my opinion, because I believe in the bible, Jesus said the same thing when he was writing his memoirs on the ark.”