BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Hillary Clinton has been arrested after she stormed Trump Tower demanding that Donald Trump appoint her to a high profile position, as she sipped out of a bottle that was covered with a brown paper bag. Newly released video shows security apprehending her as she staggered to an elevator. Clinton was later released from jail, after several people in the same cell with her, complained about her perpetually slurring her words while giving a “nonstop irritating victory speech”.