Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

I am a single parent with nine children (ages 8-16/ 5 boys and 4 girls) and they all have the same father. I genuinely thought we would get married after the first one was born. But over the past eight years, every time I told him I was going to have another baby, he skipped town, and I got pregnant each time he returned a few months later to say he was sorry. I’m seriously thinking about ending the relationship. What do you think?

Signed, Olivette
From Nashville, Tennessee

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Dear Olivette,

Being surrounded by family is always a good thing. You on the other hand have been a willing participant in the mob of children that you recklessly Xeroxed. Your barely detectable intellect suggests to me that you don’t work, and the state of Tennessee is feeding this co-ed baseball team that you created. It sounds to me like you have an awful lot on your plate, and in your household you have an awful lot of plates too. And where is the “Father of the Year” right now? I’m guessing he’s probably in another county trying to think of the right sympathetic words to say upon his return, while he’s purchasing a sexy night gown that he thinks you’d look good in. But what’s done is done, so I want you to consider doing this. Contact every major cable network and give them your story, because there is currently a high demand in this country for viewers to get a peep into the daily lives of irrational misguided buffoons, thus it’s entirely possible that you may be sitting on a gold mine. I hope this helps.