Dear Blake,
I recently found out that my 20-year high school reunion took place and I wasn’t invited. I’m still occasionally in touch with several friends from high school and easy to find on social media. I did attend my 10-year reunion, although I may not have received an invite myself because I went as part of a group.
I wasn’t very popular or close to the “in” crowd in high school, but I was social, albeit quirky. I’m sure it was a simple oversight, but I’m having trouble getting past this. I keep thinking about the trope of the loser in high school coming back to the reunion to shine.
I feel pathetic because I wasn’t even asked. I’m not sure I could have gone because I have two babies at home, and we are still somewhat COVID-cautious, but it hurts not to have been invited. Any suggestions for how to stop feeling slighted?
Signed, Brenda
From Boise, Idaho
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Dear Brenda,
I am not sure if you didn’t get an invitation due to a clerical mistake. But to be on the safe side, you should conclude that your former classmates were inspiring against you, and you should devise a plan to get even with all of them. Here are some ideas. Call the FBI and Homeland Security. And allege that there is a terrorist cell, meeting at a “reunion” to decide what they want to blow up. Or, hire a private detective that can get some dirt on all of your former classmates. Then leave some flyers with all of their personal info at the event location, so everyone can grab one and read it. This should cancel all future class reunions… indefinitely. Or this idea. Because you have two children, attend the event and allege that one of the men there, is secretly the father of both of your kids. It shouldn’t be long before your classmates start hurling some bogus conclusions against the “suspicious” guys, based on unfounded accusations. Or this last idea. Just show up at the function and tell everyone that you just won millions of dollars from a lottery. And if the women start flirting with you suggesting that they want spend some time with you when that party is over, tell their boyfriends and their husbands, but most importantly, have them arrested and charged with soliciting prostitution. I hope this helps.
Blake