Dear Blake,

I am an introvert, shy, and anti-social. I am also a straight “A” student about to graduate high school. A classmate that I have had a crush on for years, finally asked me out. I have never been on a date before, and I’m very nervous. Got any advice?

Signed, Marilyn

*                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *

Dear Marilyn,

First dates can be and usually are, very awkward. I wouldn’t be too nervous if I were you, because statistically speaking, he’s probably a worthless loser that you’ll consider a laughable glitch years from now. Since you have good grades and the potential of being successful, he might be planning on marrying you and then be a lazy stay at home dad… whether you two have children or not. If he is just as smart as you are, it’s possible that he wants to have kids with you, in attempt to populate this planet with a bunch of boring geeks. It’s very important that you make sure someone knows your whereabouts at all times during the date, just in case he’s one of the countless weirdos that advertises on Craigslist, that can make women disappear without using magic. But if you really want to spend the rest of your life with him, the first date has to go well. So I would strongly suggest that you control the conversation, by rarely letting him get a word in edgewise. This reduces the odds of him displaying his idiocy, because if given the opportunity, most guys will instinctively say something stupid. I hope this helps.