Dear Blake,
My boyfriend owns a company that makes iPhone apps. Last year he made more than $650,000, just in salary. This year he’ll probably double that. I, on the other hand, have a struggling business that I am working hard to grow. The problem is, my boyfriend spends tons of money on his projects, his charities, his investments,his socializing—and lots of time talking about the expensive things he wants to buy for himself. Isn’t this a bit insensitive? I’m laboring so hard! I know I’ll be successful, but I’m not able to go out and shop—never mind splurge—at this point in my life.
We’ve been together three years, and he is generous in that he buys me dinners and has paid for one vacation to France. But he doesn’t otherwise offer to share his success. Heaven knows he’s worked hard for it, but am I not entitled to some of his dough, since we’ve been together three years?
Signed, Gretchen
From Palo Alto, California
* * * * * * * *
Dear Gretchen,
I commend you for working very hard to get your business off the ground. But you must work even harder to extract every penny you can from that miser you’ve been dating. Here are some ideas. With his income, he probably has several high end cars. Get him drunk, and then have him get title loans for all of them, and you pocket the cash. Does he have any expensive, jewelry, art, or electronics in his house? If he does, those items can make you a regular customer at the local pawn shop. Do you have any close friends that are surgeons? If you need a large amount of money in a hurry, have a doctor remove one of his kidneys when he sleeps, because those things are worth a fortune on the black market. But, if you don’t want to do anything that I’ve suggested so far, and he still won’t voluntarily help you, there is only one reasonable thing you can do… sabotage his business until he loses everything, and he needs you. And at that point, be fair and sensitive. He sent you to France, and he paid for it. Then do something similar for him, buy that selfish cheapskate a bag of French fries. I hope this helps.
Blake