Dear Blake,
My husband and I are friendly with two other couples whose children are friends with ours. We live in a fairly small community, and the couples met and began socializing because my husband and I introduced them. It started out with board game nights, progressed to potlucks and holiday events, then eventually a three-family summer vacation. Everyone seemed to get along fine.
Two years into the friendship, it came to my attention that the two other females were getting together “for tea” about once a month, and had been doing so for some time. I won’t pretend that it didn’t sting. I was surprised that they were socializing without including me, and even more so to realize that they had been doing so “on the sly.” It would have been easy to include me, but they repeatedly chose not to. Not only that, they actively hid their tea dates from me.
I realize we are all adults and free to do as we wish, but nothing about their behavior screams “adult” to me. At first, my husband felt my feelings were unwarranted, but the secrecy surrounding their friendship has cast a pall on the couples portion of the friendship. I’m not sure of my place anymore. What do you think?
Signed, Ramona
From Baltimore, Maryland
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Dear Ramona,
Your two friends have right to get together, without you. And I believe you also have every right to disrupt their meeting in any way possible if you genuinely feel that you are being snubbed. Here are some options worthy of your consideration. Send each of them a text, alleging that the other one is spreading vicious rumors about them, including the desire to steal their husband. Or while they are sipping tea at a café, let the air out of all four of their tires and drive pass them while waving. If they ask for a ride, tell them to call Uber because they’ll charge them less than you would. Or maybe this one. Call the place where they meet, and tell the servers that those two have a reputation of not paying and dashing out. And finally, if you find out that they are meeting in a fancy restaurant, go there and confront them. If they give you the impression that they don’t care about your feelings, throw a glass of red wine on them. Not only does that create stains that are hard to remove, you can allege that you did because you care about them, and you don’t want them to become alcoholics… that are also sneaky snobs. I hope this helps.
Blake