Dear Blake,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over five months. We have enjoyed spending time with each other, but we never have deep, meaningful conversations, and I feel that it’s negatively impacting our relationship.

Because of the coronavirus quarantine, we can’t see each other because we are still in our teens and don’t live together. If we don’t start having conversations that mean something to either of us over the phone, I’m afraid we’ll break up before we are allowed to see each other again. Please give me some advice.

Signed, Glenda
From San Diego, California

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Dear Glenda,

In my opinion, there is rarely any meaningful conversation between teenagers. Thus, the only thing I recommend is that you bring up subjects that will get his attention and/or make him cringe. Ok, here are some ideas. Get on ZOOM, and have your boyfriend and other boys that admire on the video site, to show your boyfriend how easily he can be replaced. And be sure to include geeks and bullies. Or, you can tell him you’ll be glad when the lock down is over, because his communication skills suggests he really needs to get back into school because he appears to be getting progressively stupid. Here is another good idea to devalue him. Whatever he aspires to be when he grows up, make your aspirations even higher, reminding him that you’ll keep him around until someone better comes along, and emphasize in his case, it’s just a matter of time. And this idea will definitely get him talking as he winces. Graphically explain to him what a man goes through when he’s getting a sex change. If you can give him the explicit details as if it were a “rap” song, you might even have his attention longer… well at least until he screams and faints. I hope this helps.