Dear Blake,
I am a mother of three adult kids. We are all comfortable financially. My eldest and youngest are successful. They work hard, and enjoy their homes and their lifestyle of entertaining and eating out.
My middle child lives far away and is happy to say he is not a capitalist. He works for nonprofits and barely makes ends meet. He went to college, but dropped out in his last semester. He has no health insurance. He drives a car, but has no insurance or driver’s license. He clearly knows better, but insists that all these concerns of mine are “old world and overrated” and that I worry about “nothing.”
I’m sick about the mistakes I’ve made with him, but I’m not sure what they were. I try to focus him on his license and insurance, but nothing gets done. What’s the next best step?
Signed, Millie
From Lancaster, Pennsylvania
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Dear Millie,
I think it’s great that two of your three sons are doing well. Unfortunately, if you have enough children, the odds are you’ll have at least one worthless loser, which is exactly what happened in your case. So, after giving it some careful consideration, her are my ideas. Call the police the next time he’s driving, and have him tossed in jail for driving without a license or insurance. He’ll embrace capitalism behind bars when he starts selling and buying unauthorized contraband, and/or paying off guys to not rough him up. Or, remind him that the gas he’s buying is owned by wealthy oil companies, and he’s being a complete hypocrite helping them get even richer. Then suggest to that moron that he should immediately sell his car and move to an Amish community and embrace their weird primitive lifestyle. If he gets sick, don’t pay for any medicine he may need, but instead send him some tarot cards and tell him to use those to determine what his health will be like in the future. And finally, if you can persuade him to go back to college, great! And maybe if he studies hard and really applies himself, he’ll become smart enough to realize how freakin’ stupid he really is. I hope this helps.
Blake