BREAKING NEWS – Corona, California – Monster Energy is an energy drink introduced by Hansen Natural Corp. The company is also known for supporting many sporting events such as BMX, Motocross, Speedway, skateboarding and snowboarding. CEO Rodney Sacks has now reluctantly admitted that “Monster” Energy” was initially created for people who are “extremely ugly that are constantly on the run”. According to a leaked memo, the most prominent endorser of the product is Secretary of State John Kerry.