BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – In the wake of the surprise victory of Republican candidate Donald Trump, universities saw themselves not as a forum for debate or even protest, but as babysitters charged with comforting students who were unable to deal with reality. Tufts University made an arts and crafts center available. The University of Kansas invited therapy dogs to campus for comfort. The University of Michigan had a play area with coloring books. And Cornell hosted what it termed a “cry-in” where faculty and staff handed out hot cocoa and tissues. Now many of the students are complaining that some of the teachers are not being gentle enough, accusing the faculty of being “too aggressive” when picking them up and burping them, after a student downs a glass of Similac.
