BREAKING NEWS – Durham, North Carolina – In front of a packed sanctuary at Union Baptist Church, Hillary Clinton announces that God has appointed her as “the female Moses”, and she plans on touring worldwide delivering the message she said He relayed her. “The Almighty has emphatically told me that He wanted me as president, and He is deeply disappointed at the rebellious swing states that voted against me, and unless they repent, they will burn! Also, in the near future, I will be spreading His message to Great Britain, and I plan on walking to there from here, after I part the Atlantic Ocean.”
