BREAKING NEWS – St. Paul, Minnesota – Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN.) is boycotting the upcoming NFL season over the league’s new national anthem policy. The NFL announced last week that it has adopted a policy that would fine teams and league personnel who do not “stand and show respect for the flag and the anthem.” When asked if he would also boycott the NBA, because they have the same rule, Ellison replied, “Well… I don’t know… I mean no, I don’t answer racist questions, um, uh, let me think. Ok, now I figured it out. The NBA players are so tall, that even if they were kneeling, no one would notice… so I guess I would… uh… ok… uh, I don’t know.”