BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – Beleaguered chief investigative correspondent Brian Ross is leaving ABC News seven months after he botched an “exclusive” report on Donald Trump and Russia that sent the stock Dow Jones tumbling. Bernie Sanders was the only politician that condoned the inaccurate reporting by Ross. “If it hurts Wall Street, I’m all for it,” Sanders explained. “I admit that people may have lost fortunes due to Brian Ross being an idiot, but I hope they learned their lesson on how un-American it is for a person to try to become rich by investing in the stock market.”
