BREAKING NEWS – San Francisco, California – The Toronto Raptors defeated the Warriors 114-110 in Game 6 at Oracle Arena, to win their first NBA Championship. London Breed the mayor of San Francisco, was deeply disappointed in the loss, but not for reasons that you may think. “This ruined my plans bigtime,” she began. “I was hoping the Warriors would win, and during the victory parade out here, I would encourage the thousands of fans while they marched, to carry a garbage bag, and to pick up at least 10 pounds of human feces that are on almost all of our sidewalks. Then I would direct them to go the Golden Gate Bridge, and drop the bags on the heads of the tourists riding ferries, because I am sick and tired of them alleging that our city is filthy and has an eye-watering stench.” Mayor Breed still refuses to explain why anytime she has a press conference outside, she wears a gas mask.