BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Bernie Sanders endorsed Joe Biden for president, but any illusions that the move would bring an end to long-simmering tensions between the Democratic Party’s liberal and moderate wings quickly evaporated in a matter of minutes.

Briahna Joy Gray, who served as Sanders’ national press secretary, quickly took aim at Biden. “I have the utmost respect for Bernie Sanders,” Gray wrote. “I supported Bernie Sanders because he backed ideas like #MedicareForAll, cancelling ALL student debt, & a wealth tax. Biden supports none of those. But now I’m also angry at Sanders! What backdoor deals did he make? Is his bank account fatter? Will he be in an upscale nursing home paid for by the government, after he is committed to one in the next year or so? Was Biden instrumental in getting Sanders his recently signed multi-million dollar endorsement deal with Depends? And who set up the recent secret meeting between Sanders and President Putin, in attempt to persuade Russia after the Vermont Senator’s death, to bury him next to his hero, Joseph Stalin? So many unanswered questions.”