BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Trump announced that he will soon sign an executive order “to temporarily suspend immigration into the United States,” in what appeared to be a drastic escalation of his efforts to fight the coronavirus pandemic. “In light of the attack from the Invisible Enemy, as well as the need to protect the jobs of our GREAT American Citizens, I will be signing an Executive Order to temporarily suspend immigration into the United States!” the president tweeted.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi immediately accused the President of having an ulterior motive. “Who is he kidding?” she began. “This is President Trump showing his usual racism. The only reason why he did this is to prevent people from entering the country illegally through Mexico, so he can deny them the opportunity of fraudulently voting this November. And if he alleges that he doesn’t want any of them to bring new coronavirus cases into America, then I will introduce a bill for funds to purchase test kits to be placed in locations near the popular illegal entry points. Then the new arrivals can test themselves, and I have no doubt if any of them test positive, they will have the integrity to return to their country and self quarantine.”