BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Biden’s climate czar, John Kerry, warned that Russia’s war against Ukraine is going to distract the world from the climate change crisis and produce “massive emissions” that will negatively impact the globe.

“The massive emissions are a concern of mine along with a lot of that other B.S. that Al Gore is constant peddling,” explained Kerry. “My biggest concern is this is the only issue that can thrust me back into the limelight. I still haven’t gotten over my 2004 loss when I ran for president, and I’m still in therapy due to the relentless Lurch comparisons.”