BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – R. Kelley issued an apologetic statement through his attorney on first day of incarceration.

“My client stated that deep down in his heart he is sorry for what he did to his harum of under age girls,” his attorney explained. “He said he wishes he was a priest, because he said at least the Catholic church would’ve given him some protection by paying off those vindictive tattle-telling juvenile delinquents!”