BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The ACLU now wants cheerleaders to cheer for both sides.

“We don’t want anyone publicly pulling for one team or another because we want inclusivity in every area of life,” explained ACLU President Deborah Archer. “Those women should cheer for both sides, equally, and refrain from the blatant bias. And if we rally enough support for this movement, our next goal is to get rid of umpires, referees, and scoreboards.