BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The arrest of a 21-year-old Air National Guardsman in connection to classified documents that have been leaked online in recent months has been met with outrage as critics wonder how a young man could have such high-level access to national security information.

FBI agents arrested Massachusetts Air National Guardsman Jack Douglas Teixeira on Thursday after U.S. intelligence documents that had critical information about the war in Ukraine and Chinese relations were posted on the chat app Discord.

“This is absolutely outrageous!” stated Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg. “This is somehow Donald Trump’s fault, and I plan to immediately add this to his indictment!”