BREAKING NEWS – Corpus Christi, Texas – Superstitious beachcombers who spot glass glinting along the shore of the Gulf of Mexico ought to exercise caution – “witch bottles” intended to entomb malevolent spirits are popping up along the coast, one researcher said.

On a 60-mile stretch of beach near Corpus Christi, Texas, monitored by the Harte Institute for Gulf of Mexico Studies, eight of the curious artifacts have washed up onshore since 2017, per researcher Jace Tunnell.

“It’s the weirdest thing I have ever seen,” stated Tunnell. “One thing that all of the creepy witch bottles had in common, is they had a note inside them that read,”

“IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO NANCY PELOSI”