PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS (ASSUMING YOU LIKE REALLY BAD ADVICE) ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!
I went to a dinner party with a friend of mine, and I struck up a conversation with a woman I met there. After talking to her for about an hour or so, I asked her if she could guess my weight. The music was playing pretty loud, but it sounded like she said I was a “simple ton”. I said to her, “You think I weigh 2000 pounds? Really?”