BREAKING NEWS – Harrisburg, Virginia – Bryan Schor threw for two touchdowns and ran for another as James Madison beat Norfolk State 75-14 on Saturday. James Madison is named after the 4th president that also owned slaves, trouncing of Norfolk State which is predominately black, caught the attention of Congresswoman Maxine Waters. “This lopsided victory was designed to promote white supremacy,” she explained. “If not, since James Madison clearly had a big lead, what was the point in them to keep hitting home runs?” Bernie Sanders also weighed in on the blowout. “The proper thing to do, was to divide the 89 total points evenly where each side would get 44 points,” the Vermont Senator stated. “And the last point should be determined either by a coin flip, or to the team that has worst health coverage.”