BREAKING NEWS – Hollywood, California – Chris Rock’s monologue as he hosted the 2016 Oscars got mostly positive reviews. However due to time constraints, he did not announce his winners for something he called the “Bloscars” (Black Oscars). He did release some of them in a press release after the show and they are as follows:

For the best lead actor in a comedy goes to… Al Sharpton, for his role in the hilarious movie, “There’s no word in the English language that I can’t mispronounce”.

The best documentary for 2015 goes to…. Spike Lee, for his film “Blacks should go to my movies even though they suck!”

For the best lead actor in a drama goes to… Bill Cosby. He wins for his outstanding performance playing a serial rapist in the thriller “52 and Counting”.

The best lead actor in a war movie goes to… President Obama. He plays a fearless general that leads his troops into battle in the military epic, “Forget ISIS, let’s bomb the Republican National Committee”.

For the best lead actress in a drama goes to… Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake. She is being acknowledged for her autobiographical performance in the movie, “I’m glad being stupid isn’t illegal”

The best actor in the lead role of a musical goes to… Eric Holder. He is being rewarded for his whimsical performance in the box office hit, “Any idiot can get a law degree.”

Best lead actress in a science fiction film goes to… Melissa Harris-Perry. In this movie she plays a brilliant scientist that creates the most powerful microscope in the world so she can be the first person to view something so tiny, no one has ever seen it before in the film, “The search for MSNBC’s Ratings”.