BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – California Sen. Kamala Harris announced that she is withdrawing from the race for the Democratic presidential nomination, after failing to capitalize on early enthusiasm for her campaign and watching her poll numbers collapse. “In good faith, I can’t tell you, my supporters and volunteers, that I have a path forward if I don’t believe I do,” Harris wrote in an email to supporters. “So, to you my supporters, it is with deep regret — but also with deep gratitude — that I am suspending my campaign today.” When asked who would she now endorse to get the nomination, she paused before she spoke. “Well, let’s see,” she began. “During one the debates, Elizabeth Warren refused to join me in demanding that Twitter suspended President Trump’s account, which made me look like a fool. And in a different debate, Tulsi Gabbard made me look like an idiot when she brought up my record as district attorney. So, I am undecided who I will support, but I know for sure, it won’t be any of those b*****s!”