BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The revival of former Vice President Joe Biden’s presidential campaign was complete after Super Tuesday.

Biden not only won multiple states and brought the moderate wing of the party together around him, but actually earned more delegates than Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders to become the new apparent front-runner in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination. The last state race was called Wednesday afternoon, with Biden declared the winner in the tight Maine contest. In total, Biden won 10 states to Sanders’ four.

Sanders’ campaign manager Faiz Shakir issued a stern warning to Biden. “Last October Senator Sanders went to the hospital after experiencing some chest pains. Losing ten states to Biden has caused those chest pains to come back with even more intensity. So, because of me making this information public, if Biden does this again, knowing full well that it can cause Sanders to go into full cardiac arrest, I’ll demand that the former vice president gets arrested, and charged with attempted murder.”