BREAKING NEWS – Cupertino, California – Apple CEO Tim Cook announced earlier today that it will be investing $350 billion in the U.S. economy over the next five years, creating more than 20,000 jobs. In a news release, the company also said it would make a $38 billion tax payment to the U.S. as required by recent changes to the tax law. Apple said this would be the largest tax payment of its kind. Cook, who supported Hillary Clinton in 2016 for president and even held fundraisers on her behalf, is now being attacked by the DNC Chair Tom Perez. “What a disgusting traitor!” Perez said in a leaked email. “He should’ve left all the money overseas, instead of bringing it back here creating 20,000 freakin’ jobs making Trump look good! The government is probably taking care of those 20,000 people, now that idiot Cook is going to screw that up. I hate him! Who’s side is he on? Not ours! I am going to send the word out to all potential 2020 democratic candidates, that if I find out that any of them uses Apple products, they won’t receive a penny from this office. Not one red cent!”
