BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – President Obama tells Ann Curry on the “Today Show” that ATMs has stolen a lot of jobs. He stated that he will soon be introducing a bill that will ban all ATMs nationwide, and they will be replaced with people standing in their place holding withdrawal/deposit slips and fists full of cash 24/7. He added that in high crime neighborhoods, the new employees will be allowed to wear bulletproof vests and carry grenade launchers.