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While getting my annual check-up at the hospital, I saw this really attractive nurse. After a brief conversation with her, I asked her out. She […]

I was recently in Walmart when a fight almost broke out. Two men were about to throw some punches over the last portable food storage […]

I am currently dating a woman who is in charge of maintaining traffic lights all over the city, that keeps me confused on how she […]

I have always thought that everyone has a gift, and after all these years I figured out what mine is. It is retroactive fortune telling. […]

I was talking to my cousin, explaining to him that it’s easy to remember what president is on the $1 bill, because it’s George Washington […]

When I use my GPS and miss a turn, it often begins yelling, repeatedly calling me a “stupid idiot”. I wonder if that has ever […]

A close friend of mine who often mixes up numbers, was recently injured when he fell down. He said he called 7-11, but the ambulance […]

My mother frequently instilled in me to have a strong work ethic. For years she was employed at a bakery, making breakfast pastries. Thus, my […]

My nephew recently went on trial for attempting to rob a bank. The prosecution stated during the proceedings that they found his DNA at the […]

I was reading about a magician who joined the U.S. Army in 1943 during World War II. While in Germany he was encircled by the […]

I love history, and I hate it when someone gets their “facts” wrong. Last week a friend of mine told me that when the Titanic […]

I like calling my friends while I’m in my car and tell them that I am panicking because I lost my cell phone. The ones […]

My next door neighbor was complaining to me that she is sick and tired one of her children being selfish, greedy, and lazy, by eating […]

My ex-wife gave me a box of candy for Valentine’s Day. My suspicions were confirmed after the chocolates tested positive for both cyanide and arsenic. […]

I have no idea why people often feel compelled to “swear on a stack of bibles”. At the most it should be eight or nine. […]

I recently got dumped by a woman in a very strange way. We weren’t getting along too well, so when I went to her place […]

I can still remember the definition of “fortified” when my class was given a test while I was in grammar school. I said it was […]

I met one of my new neighbors last week, and she happens to be a dwarf. She told me her name, and within two minutes […]

I dreamed I had bought an entire floor of the Empire State Building and I owned a glue manufacturer. At one point, I tripped while […]

I have a friend of mine that’s the queen of the nitpickers. Her nitpicking has driven everyone close to her to near insanity. Last week […]

I hate interacting with people that easily get off the subject we’re talking about because it really irritates me. I think some of them might […]

A couple of months ago, my niece met a man she instantly became attracted to at a party, and she foolishly allowed him to move […]

When I used to travel fairly regularly, I lodged at a lot of memorable places. One location that I’ll never forget is when I spent […]

A few years ago, I got lost in downtown Chicago after my GPS malfunctioned when I went to pick up a friend. After I told […]

If doctors are so knowledgeable about medicine, then why do they die at the same rate as all other professions? What a bunch of con […]

My well-deserved reputation of being lazy has finally caught up with me. Instead of going to the grocery store as I should have when I […]

My extensive research in regards to physical laws and aerodynamics, leads me to believe that reindeer cannot fly, but can at best glide for a […]

I have no idea why parents buy their newborn children shoes, even though it’s obvious that they can’t walk. I can’t prove it, but I […]

An 8 year old year wrote to me, and the correspondence was suppose to include a picture that he painted, but the painting must’ve fallen […]

I finally learned my lesson. Never make or receive any calls from friends while in Walmart, because they will always have you “pick up” something […]

While waiting at a bus stop, a stranger and I began a conversation about the U.S. flag. He said he saw nothing wrong with burning […]

I can still remember taking my niece with me to an amusement park when she was three years old, just so she could get on […]

A buddy of mine has recently gone into business with his girlfriend, in which they transport human organs that involve breathing. When he asked me […]

A friend of mine who voted for Hillary Clinton, told me it wasn’t fair that she lost the election after winning the popular vote, and […]

I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamt I walked for miles and miles on a street that was made out of blocks […]

Something really incredible happened when I recently visited Detroit for the first time. While I was given a tour of a local brewery, at the […]

I was watching the election returns on tv last Tuesday with a friend of mine. When Hillary Clinton’s supporters were openly sobbing after she lost […]

I have a friend of mine, who has a daughter that’s really struggling with algebra in college. He is so desperate to help her, that […]

Veteran’s Day is coming up next week, in which my family has a long tradition of honoring. Even though I served in an Air Force […]

I love it when I get a really good deal. Last month a man approached me on the street that was selling some very expensive […]